Little Hamsters, Big Explosions!
by Spiffy
Summary: Whoo, it's Hamsplodo time! It's a fun-de-fun-fun fic full of rabies, deaths, and random explosions! **The long-awaited Chapter 2 is FINALLY up!**
1. It's Hamsplodo Time!

Heylo, people! Before I start, I'd just like to say that despite the way this fic sounds, I AM a fan of Hamtaro. This idea has just been stuck in my head for a while now, so I decided that I'm finally going to write it. Excuse the quality, this first chapter was written between 1 and 2am so it may not be great, and it's not like I'm that good of a writer anyway. Also, the formatting got terribly messed up, and I can't fix it, since I don't know html. And one last note, I don't own anything in this fic, besides the twisted idea. Enjoy!  
  
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Little Hamsters, Big Explosions  
  
  
Another happy shiny day had dawned upon…wherever the heck everybody lives. It was 5:59am and everything was calm and quiet, that is until a large plastic rooster with a guitar began bopping back and forth, playing a very merry, and very loud tune, thus shattering the peace. Laura Haruna grumpily pounded down on a button on the plastic monstrosity, before rubbing her eyes and looking at the time displayed on the clock: 7:00am sharp. Sighing, she climbed out of bed, passing her hamster, who somehow slept through the chicken's singing, and headed towards the bathroom to brush her teeth. About 45 minutes later, Laura was all ready for school, and was waiting on her front porch for her best friend Kana to come and walk with her to school. 'Strange,' she thought, 'I wonder why I'm so sleepy today…and why is it so dark out?' Not being able to put two and two together, Laura continued to sit there, waiting for her friend, for a few more minutes. Soon she came to the conclusion that Kana wasn't coming, so she headed out to school all alone. Inside her bedroom, Hamtaro continued to sleep.  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere in the woods, a certain mohawk-headed, guitar-toting ham-ham had somehow gotten rabies. Don't ask how, he just did. …Wait, you want to know? Okay, a wild 'coon bit him. Happy now? Anyway, he scampered out of the woods, foaming at the mouth, and headed towards the Haruna household. Oh NO! Luckily, the rabies were taking affect on Jingle, and he only had the strength to run to Brandy's doghouse. The lazy dog looked up, after hearing a strange noise. The noise was obviously coming from the foamy ham, who crazily leapt onto the dog and bit him. He was actually now just hanging from Brandy's snout by his teeth, making cute little noises that all rabid hamsters make. Soon enough, Jingle slid off the dog, landing in the dirt in front of him, dead. Ah well, I guess Jingle was too tiny to handle the rabies or something. So yeah, Jingle was dead, and Brandy was now foaming at the mouth, a crazy look in his eyes. Well, since Brandy's eyes are just black liney…things, you can use your imagination with that.  
  
The plastic rooster clock in Laura's room read 8:47am, so in real life it was an hour earlier, and would you look at that, Kana Idunnoherlastname has just arrived at Laura's house! Kana just stood there, staring blankly at Laura's front porch for a while, occasionally blinking. Finally, she was snapped out of her trance by the brown dog, who was laying in his doghouse foaming at the mouth. Kana had seen him out of the corner of her eye, and approached the dog. "Hiya Brandy! Nice day, isn't it?" the girl reached her hand out to pet Brandy, who let out a loud and menacing growl in return. Ignoring the rabid dog's warning, and the dead ham-ham at her feet for that matter, Kana began to pet the animal. Pissed off, Brandy jumped up and latched herself onto Kana's arm. Brandy wriggled around, snarling while still hanging from the screaming ten-year-old's arm. Quite unlike the deceased hamster, Brandy felt stronger than ever, and indeed he was. After a few minutes of chewing on Kana's arm, he finally got through the bone, and fell to the ground, with a new blood-covered chew toy in his mouth. Kana couldn't take the pain, so she passed out ontop of poor Jingle, bleeding profusely from her arm.   
  
Finally getting bored with his new 'toy', Brandy chewed through his leash, and pranced off into the town. Bye-bye Brandy!  
  
We flash to the school. Amazing, ne? Fear the school and its magical glory. The school is a wonderful building indeed. …Wait…it was a wonderful building, for you see, it just randomly exploded. Oh well! The building is engulfed in flames, and voices are heard inside screaming and crying. Two teachers, figuring they were going to die anyway, fell to the floor in a make-out frenzy. Random people came out of their houses dressed in bathrobes, pajamas, and some even clad in only their underwear, and watched the amusing site of the used-to-be school. After a while, firemen finally came from wherever to do their jobs. The flames were put out, and all the charred bodies were dragged out of the building.   
  
We now travel inside of somebody's house, and see what's on the TV. Why, it's the channel 7 news! And what is the subject of the news but of course, the magical exploding school! On the TV, a blonde-haired reporter lady stood, with the smoldering building in the foreground. Holding up her microphone and smiling perkily, she began to speak. "About an hour ago at 8:10, an intermediate school randomly exploded. 22 bodies were recovered from the building, but luckily since it was before school time, 18 of those corpses belonged to teachers. Three were that of students, but nobody really cares about them, since they were in school early. I mean, what kind of freak goes to school early?" The camera man glared at her, and motioned for her to continue, "Oh, right! The last body is still being observed, since we can't tell what it is yet. The most popular theory among the people is that the 22nd body is the rather large lizard from the science lab, but we're still unsure. More updates to come later! In other news, 78 year-old Martha Bradley gave birth to a bouncing baby girl yesterday, during her 'Cooking with Beans' seminar…"  
  
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Okay, that's the end of chapter one. But fear not, chapter two should be up by Sunday night at the latest! And the next chapter will have more of the Ham-Hams, sorry for the lack thereof, I have a plan for them later… *grin* And one more thing, I have no idea what happened to Laura's mom and dad. I somehow forgot about them, so they just won't be in the fic. Let's just pretend that they're off in the Bermuda Triangle, okay? 


	2. The 'Plot' Thickens!

Hello again, guys! I'm terribly sorry it's so damn late, but my rabbit recently died, and I'm having trouble getting over her, plus, I gots school…advanced placement ish BAD…but here comes chapter two…you're excited, no? This is where the rating rises, since I already have a gruesome death prepared for a certain ham-girl. I STILL don't own Hamtaro, go figure. Enjoy!  
  
…Oh yeah, and to the happy flamers: I already SAID that I like the ham-hams. I just felt like writing about all of them dying. As the little logo thing says 'Unleash your imagination and free your soul.' If you don't like it, fine, don't read it, but your pathetic little flames aren't going to stop me from expressing myself.  
  
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Little Hamsters, Big Explosions  
Chapter 2: The 'Plot' Thickens  
  
  
Let's see…where to start, where to start…? Okay, I got it! We again begin our tale in Laura's bedroom, but this time, Laura isn't there. She died when her school exploded about an hour ago. Anyway, it appears Hamtaro has finally woken up. So yeah, he wasn't dead, like you may have thought. He LIVES! …For now, at least. The orange and white hamster looked around at his surroundings. 'Great!' he thought, 'Laura must have already gone to school! Now off to the club house!' Hamtaro pushed the small door of his cage up, and scurried behind his deceased owner's bed, to a hole he had chewed in the wall, climbing in. "Oompa!" He cried, as he slid down the drainpipe. He came hurtling out, and landed in the dirt with a small thud. Rubbing his butt, he wondered what happened to Brandy, and why Kana was lying in his yard, extremely pale and bleeding from her arm nub. Shrugging, he ran off to the clubhouse.  
  
Meanwhile, in the afore-mentioned clubhouse, a brown and white, squinty-eyed hamster was digging through some things that didn't belong to him. Naughty, naughty! Finding what he needed, a roll of duct tape and a 1' rope, the hamster retreated with it back to a place where he wouldn't be caught red-pawed. 'It's great,' Snoozer said to himself, 'I can take whatever I want, and nobody ever suspects me!' As quickly and quietly as he could, Snoozer looked over the small banister, counting the ham-hams that sat together at a table chatting away below. 1…2,3…4,5,6,7…8…9…10…11…12…everyone was there except Hamtaro and himself. Slinking off, stolen items still in his paws, the hamster decided to go back to sleep until all his victims were present. Then his fun would begin.  
  
Not long at all after Snoozer had lost himself to sleep again, Hamtaro burst through the small doors. "Hamha, everybody!" he greeted. "Hamha, Hamtaro!" was the reply. Wow, such formal little critters those ham-hams are. Anywho, so the Ham-Hams were all talking about sunflower seeds and cats and pantyhose, so they obviously weren't paying attention to Snoozer, which was good for him. A little later than he wanted, Snoozer was woken up by Maxwell and Howdy fighting over what was better: fishnet or control top. Before they had a chance to settle their argument, though, Snoozer had emerged before all of the Hams.  
  
"Snoozer, you finally woke up!" Boss cried.  
"Wow…that was kind of sudden…" Cappy trailed, shoving a donut ontop of his head.  
  
Yay! Anyway, Snoozer just kinda stood there for a few seconds waiting for everybody to shut the hell up and pay attention to him. When they finally did, he asked them to gather in a little circle thingy. Since the Ham-Hams are nice like that, they complied and did so. That made Snoozer very proud to have stupid friends. He pulled out the rope and grinned.  
  
So…now we have the Ham-Hams all shoved together and tied up with rope. Nodding approvingly, Snoozer decided to choose his first victim. Closing his eyes, he randomly pointed to a hamster. Pashmina, come on down, because this is your life! Suddenly, Pashmina was lifted out of the circle by her ears, and thrown down onto the floor. (Don't ask me how…maybe Snoozer really is from outer space.)   
  
"Wow…is this some kind of game or something?" Pashmina giggled not-so-smartly.  
"Yes, yes…a very special game at that. Now, just hold still…"  
  
And with that, our dear Snoozer had Pashmina all decked out for…trash day or…something. Her feet were duct taped to the floor, and her ears were folded over and taped to her furry head. There was also a piece of tape over her nose. Grinning perkily, Pashmina waved to her little bunch of friends. "Now everybody…watch carefully," Snoozer chuckled, pulling out a tiny ticking object. He quickly shoved it into Pashmina's mouth and duct taped that closed too. She obviously swallowed it, because her one eye was twitching, and her other was leaking like…a big leaky…thingie.  
  
Tick…  
  
Pashmina blinks.  
  
…Tick…  
  
"Heke?" The Ham-Hams get confused (even more).  
  
…Tick…  
  
Snoozer covers his ears.  
  
…Tick…  
  
BOOM.  
  
It was like celebrating New Years in Times Square, only they were in Japan, about 6 inches tall, and instead of confetti, the hamsters were coated with speckles of blood, muscle, fur, and the occasional bone. Oh yeah, and little pieces of pink scarf. Everybody just kinda stood there in stunned silence…the only noise heard was Snoozer laughing like a maniac and Penelope trying to get a piece of golden fluff to talk to her.  
  
MEANWHILE…!   
  
Somewhere out on a sidewalk, the 14-year-old papergirl is skipping merrily down the road, chucking newspapers at driveways. "Lalala…such a beautiful day out…nothing can spoil my day today, not even Kim!" And wouldn't you know it, but right after Melyssa the papergirl said that, a large, foamy dog leapt onto her chest, and proceeded to tear her flesh apart and rip out different organs which were probably needed for her to live. Oh well!  
  
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Okay, so there you have it. From now on, I'm not going to set any dates for when the next chapter will come out. Hopefully it won't take 3½ months for chapter 3 to get out… ^--^;;  
And one last thing: …I don't own Melyssa or Hamtaro and company. I think I forgot to mention that last time. 


End file.
